andy hall (hallawayjoe) wrote,
andy hall

The good and bad

I am 50% happy 50% miserable here

the good is that I have a girlfriend
I feel also that my poetry output has increased
I even got a couple of acceptances from online journals...

The bad side

Not having an assistantship... means I am persona non grata in the English Dept here
I am basically an outsider... I am also more stressed out since I have to drive 80 miles roundtrip to Peoria to keep some sort of income... in addition to my loans...

I am whining sure... but I am 35... and not having an asstship... makes me feel incompetent, inferior, and on and on...

I don't think my career is moving forward here... I wouldn't care about career so much, except I am 100K in debt.

I wonder if I am cut out for academia...
I am teaching part time at a community college in East Peoria... and I am making 1/2 of what I made as an adjunct in Vegas...

Hmmm. Marxism in America anyone?

Still I complain... Maybe I am bitter...

But I am always wondering if things are going to be alright...
right now... I don't have much faith.

I feel sad... angry... confused... and lonely...

On the bright side... it is good for my poetry... maybe.
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